The Process of Becoming....

“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” -Anais Nin

On the bus ride through campus this morning, it came to me. The culmination of the thoughts that I have been wrestling with for weeks. I live my life through goals and to-do lists.  Moreover, I invite others to join in my goals and crazy monthly or yearly challenges. And when asked about the reason, I don't really have compelling ones, other than 'I like to test my discipline from time to time.' I focus on reaching a destination, completing my goal, marking off something from the never ending to-do list. But what about the process of becoming?

I had a goal in 2008 to not eat meat (anything with a face or a momma) for 21 days after I read the book Skinny Bitch. In the process, I became a vegetarian. It’s been nearly 3 years. But that’s not what I want to do with my life. I have no plans to NEVER eat meat again. Unfortunately, I don’t have grave philosophical or political objections to eating meat; actually, I love meat!  What I wanted to do was to become a healthier person. I abandoned that for being a vegetarian. Let’s be honest, there are some unhealthy habits that I have picked up since becoming a vegetarian (carb fest anyone!?). Right now, I have a goal to only eat fried foods for one day a month for the year 2011. What am I trying to accomplish? I want to become a person committed to a healthy lifestyle which means being more mindful of my diet. Again, I am abandoning my true hope and in turn becoming a person who doesn't eat fried food. This is not the same. It would be more aligned if my not eating fried food was just one way in which I was eating healthier. But let's be honest. It's not and when I return to eating fried foods without restriction, it will not be as much, but I will not have become what I initially set out to be. That's means it's time for a change.

Last night while in a chat with a friend Shanoonee, I recounted by early reflection that I tend to be the Chicken and not the Pig in life. This time, I was talking about my academic endeavors. I have been involved up to this point, but have not committed myself to it. I have not truly sacrificed in this journey. Sure, there's been minor ones, but not to the level that I know is expected and not to the level to which I am proud. My commitaphobia is more pervasive than I originally thought. In academics, I have set a goal of a PhD and that will be achieved, but more, I want this time and this journey to be a process of becoming for me.

I have made the decision to focus on the process of becoming instead of being a goal-oriented person. Yes, goals and milestones are going to be a part of that process. But they should not constitute it. Aristotle said ‘we are what we repeatedly do; therefore, excellence is not an act, but a habit.” As I surrender to the notion of becoming, I notice the little things that I can and should repeatedly do to cultivate the values and habits of mind, body and spirit, that will help me to get there. I've already had a little taste of that. This month I endeavored to be more committed to physical exercise and have taken my behind to the gym at least 4x per week. I feel good because I didn't make any specific goals. I just committed to the idea and did what I could to accomplish it. It wasn't tied to a weight on a scale or a certain number of times per week. It was tied to the commitment of being someone who 'moves!'


As I think about this place where I currently find myself, I am ready to boldly make 4 statements about my processing of becoming.

• I am in the process of becoming a higher education and student affairs scholar.
• I am in the process of becoming a person committed to living a healthy lifestyle.
• I am in the process of becoming a committed person in my word and in my deed.
• I am in the process of becoming a better person ..... and open to what they may bring.

And now, I am ready to state this as well:  I am no longer a vegetarian. This was a choice. This was a goal. I achieved it. I believed it. It's over. That's not to mean that I am running out and eating a steak tonight, tomorrow or in 3 months even. I am a healthy (ier) eater. It means that I am committing to a healthier lifestyle and I know that going meatless for several meals a week is healthy for me. But also that meat has benefits that I should tap into. Can we say buh-bye to anemia and B12 deficiency!?!

The premise of this blog was that I was going to accomplish 30 things before my 30th birthday! Am I going to abandon them. Not completely, but I was already feeling the dred that came from my not accomplishing them as speedily or focusing on them. I'll do them, I'll blog about them. But my ridiculous goal lists will not dictate my actions. Committed to the process of becoming will involve some goals and milestones, anyhow, so that is still exciting to me. But more so the opportunity to think about how the everyday of my life is instructive for deeping our character and personhood is far more exciting!

This makes sense to me. Hopefully it does for the 3 readers who will read, but most importantly, it makes sense to me!


*Disclaimer: The process of becoming is just that... a process....so miraculous changes won't be seen overnight....and I don't expect it. So if you see me procrastinate on a paper or slippin with my gym game...no judgements please. Only encouragement :)